Short fingernails do not exist in your vocabulary!!!
I can't cut them often enough...
Monday, November 28, 2011
So I'm single...
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. Several reasons really...I just wasn't going to deal with the mistakes he was making (drugs being one of them). There's a chance he might wind up in jail and I've already had one ex do that, I'm not going there again.
Yeah, I loved him. Yeah, he was a nice guy. It just wasn't working out. There was no future there. Because he was in the army, I barely ever saw him. We had been together for a few years and, by that point, things should have been a lot more serious than they were. I couldn't see myself marrying him so there was no point in continuing the relationship.
...He's less than thrilled about this.
Yeah, I loved him. Yeah, he was a nice guy. It just wasn't working out. There was no future there. Because he was in the army, I barely ever saw him. We had been together for a few years and, by that point, things should have been a lot more serious than they were. I couldn't see myself marrying him so there was no point in continuing the relationship.
...He's less than thrilled about this.
Friday, November 25, 2011
The end of a series...
This feels...nothing like what I imagined. I thought I would be ready to cheer when I finished Shade's series. And I haven't finished the series yet but I'm so close and I want to bust out crying. I'll miss them so much.
I know I could write more books, hundreds of books, on these characters but they'll never be together again they were. The damage that has been done to them can never be undone. Then again, the successes can never be forgotten but they've changed so much since book one and I see them as they are now. that makes prequels impossible and to write more sequels would just be an insult to them. They want a new life, a quiet life. To write more books about them would just be a way of interrupting that. And besides, no one wants to hear about how Shade...or, rather, Vara...planted a garden and watched it grow.
I'm so amazingly sad.
I know I could write more books, hundreds of books, on these characters but they'll never be together again they were. The damage that has been done to them can never be undone. Then again, the successes can never be forgotten but they've changed so much since book one and I see them as they are now. that makes prequels impossible and to write more sequels would just be an insult to them. They want a new life, a quiet life. To write more books about them would just be a way of interrupting that. And besides, no one wants to hear about how Shade...or, rather, Vara...planted a garden and watched it grow.
I'm so amazingly sad.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Current stats...
Word Count: 24,081
Words left: 25, 919
I'm gonna fight 'em all
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
ON MY WAY TO 50,000!!!!
Words left: 25, 919
I'm gonna fight 'em all
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
ON MY WAY TO 50,000!!!!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
On All American Muslim...
As a former Muslim (and I left under good terms, I still love Muslims and support them), I feel that Americans need to watch this show!!
However, it makes me miss everything I didn't get in Islam. When I converted to Islam, my parents basically told everyone that I had been forced into it, that the friend who walked me through my shahada had tricked me (in reality she was as surprised as any one else when I told her I wanted to convert). They banned me from covering my head, the wouldn't let me speak the words "Islam" or "Muslim" without getting screamed at. On the show, a non Muslim woman covers her head out of respect...my parents would NEVER do that. They never would have made any Muslim feel accepted in my home. When one of my friends came over, I don't know how she felt, but I like my dad hated her (and I later found out that he did..and for no good reason).
But anyway, my point...this show has some issues. Many issues. My big ones are that they only show two types of women: casual hijabis, those who don't wear abayas, who wear jeans and tshirts, skinny jeans and high boots, tight clothes...and those women who, not only don't wear hijab, but wear short short dresses and low cut tops. It is possible to be modest without covering your head...but they don't show that.
Another issue is that, while the show is not meant to be dawah, it is also not meant for other Muslims. It is meant for non Muslim Americans...and apparently they aren't liking it either. A Christian friend of mine messaged me on facebook and she said the show just disturbed her. This show shouldn't be disturbing people.
However, it makes me miss everything I didn't get in Islam. When I converted to Islam, my parents basically told everyone that I had been forced into it, that the friend who walked me through my shahada had tricked me (in reality she was as surprised as any one else when I told her I wanted to convert). They banned me from covering my head, the wouldn't let me speak the words "Islam" or "Muslim" without getting screamed at. On the show, a non Muslim woman covers her head out of respect...my parents would NEVER do that. They never would have made any Muslim feel accepted in my home. When one of my friends came over, I don't know how she felt, but I like my dad hated her (and I later found out that he did..and for no good reason).
But anyway, my point...this show has some issues. Many issues. My big ones are that they only show two types of women: casual hijabis, those who don't wear abayas, who wear jeans and tshirts, skinny jeans and high boots, tight clothes...and those women who, not only don't wear hijab, but wear short short dresses and low cut tops. It is possible to be modest without covering your head...but they don't show that.
Another issue is that, while the show is not meant to be dawah, it is also not meant for other Muslims. It is meant for non Muslim Americans...and apparently they aren't liking it either. A Christian friend of mine messaged me on facebook and she said the show just disturbed her. This show shouldn't be disturbing people.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I'm still behind...
I'm writing just a few hundred words a day on average. I still hate this story and I'm supposed to be at 20,000 which means the point for starting a new plot has come and gone. I wish I'd taken a new plot when I had the chance, now I'll be hard pressed to finish this and, if I do, I'll hate it. I don't know which is worse...not finishing or putting a month into a book I hate.
I'm currently 14,307. You'll notice how this isn't 20,000 but still.
I'm currently 14,307. You'll notice how this isn't 20,000 but still.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I'm behind...and depressed
Well, I seem to have a problem.
I just don't care about the novel this year. I don't know what it is. The fire, the passion that's normally there during NaNo is..gone. There's no magic :( Writing feels like a chore and I always groan inwardly when I think "Oh, I have to write those 1667 words now.
I hate this. I'm at the ending of a trilogy, I should be happy (or sad but eager at least) not apathetic. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I made it to twelve thousand-something words while sitting in a doctor's office today. I was told there was NEVER any wait time with this doctor and I was there for two hours and I wrote 1800 words. No wait time, huh? Really?
But, while I'm writing, there's still no passion. I feel horrible.
It doesn't help that I'm depressed beyond words with my life. I honestly wanted to kill myself on Monday and, if I'd been able to find anymore pills I would have tried. Apparently 14 tylenols won't do the job...but I already knew this. I'm not a med student but I imagine the number of tylenols required to actually kill ones self would be in the thousands. They aren't big pills.
I can't think of anything good in my life. No military (but they wouldn't take me if they knew how depressed I was), no car to go see my friends (which would make me feel better), family who is constantly yelling at me and putting me down and just generally making me feel like trash, and now even my creativity feels shot. Where writing came so easily back when I was on my ADHD medications, it's such a struggle now. I spent my [largely medicated] life saying that I could not live without art because a life without art was not worth living and now my art seems to have escaped me so...how can I live? What am I supposed to live for now?
I think the only thing that has saved me from committing suicide over the years is a steady belief in and fear of God. I know suicide if the one unforgivable sin because you can't ask forgiveness for it (and it's murder of yourself) but I guess if you took a bunch of sleeping pills and asked for forgiveness as you were dying that might work. I don't have sleeping pills though.
I'm getting too deep here...No one even reads this stupid blog any way.
I just don't care about the novel this year. I don't know what it is. The fire, the passion that's normally there during NaNo is..gone. There's no magic :( Writing feels like a chore and I always groan inwardly when I think "Oh, I have to write those 1667 words now.
I hate this. I'm at the ending of a trilogy, I should be happy (or sad but eager at least) not apathetic. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I made it to twelve thousand-something words while sitting in a doctor's office today. I was told there was NEVER any wait time with this doctor and I was there for two hours and I wrote 1800 words. No wait time, huh? Really?
But, while I'm writing, there's still no passion. I feel horrible.
It doesn't help that I'm depressed beyond words with my life. I honestly wanted to kill myself on Monday and, if I'd been able to find anymore pills I would have tried. Apparently 14 tylenols won't do the job...but I already knew this. I'm not a med student but I imagine the number of tylenols required to actually kill ones self would be in the thousands. They aren't big pills.
I can't think of anything good in my life. No military (but they wouldn't take me if they knew how depressed I was), no car to go see my friends (which would make me feel better), family who is constantly yelling at me and putting me down and just generally making me feel like trash, and now even my creativity feels shot. Where writing came so easily back when I was on my ADHD medications, it's such a struggle now. I spent my [largely medicated] life saying that I could not live without art because a life without art was not worth living and now my art seems to have escaped me so...how can I live? What am I supposed to live for now?
I think the only thing that has saved me from committing suicide over the years is a steady belief in and fear of God. I know suicide if the one unforgivable sin because you can't ask forgiveness for it (and it's murder of yourself) but I guess if you took a bunch of sleeping pills and asked for forgiveness as you were dying that might work. I don't have sleeping pills though.
I'm getting too deep here...No one even reads this stupid blog any way.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Monday, October 31, 2011
NaNoWriMo has started!!
NaNo has been going for 53 minutes and I already have 672 words!! Can you believe it??
I mean sure I could do BETTER, but, considering I barely planned this book at all, I think I'm doing pretty good!!
The final book in the trilogy...I just can't believe it. A teary speech will be in order when I finish it!
I mean sure I could do BETTER, but, considering I barely planned this book at all, I think I'm doing pretty good!!
The final book in the trilogy...I just can't believe it. A teary speech will be in order when I finish it!
Thursday, October 27, 2011
I know what I'm writing!!
Ok, so remember when I said I couldn't write Ginesis? Well I can! I've got a plot for it! It just came to me!! And just in time too! I'm anxious to start it and I've been writing a lot in the meantime!
I don't think this book is going to be as action packed as the last one. It's more of a large epilogue (I always saw Shade as a prologue and Vara as the actual story). I've got a lot planned for it though. there's a lot that needs to be talked about. Vara's Dad's death as well as Helix and Vara's trip to south florida where they met Dax (I know it's supposed to be Brazil. I'm gonna change that) have both been mentioned but not really discussed in detail. Also, there's the bad guys that need to be taken care of. I've already got one scene planned and it's gonna be so much fun!!
I CAN'T WAIT!!
I don't think this book is going to be as action packed as the last one. It's more of a large epilogue (I always saw Shade as a prologue and Vara as the actual story). I've got a lot planned for it though. there's a lot that needs to be talked about. Vara's Dad's death as well as Helix and Vara's trip to south florida where they met Dax (I know it's supposed to be Brazil. I'm gonna change that) have both been mentioned but not really discussed in detail. Also, there's the bad guys that need to be taken care of. I've already got one scene planned and it's gonna be so much fun!!
I CAN'T WAIT!!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Northstar
So I'm a new Christian and I'm going to Northstar Church in Panama City, FL.
northstar.cc
^Check them out ^
I volunteered to work the cameras! I love it there and I was there pretty much all day, I worked all five services (well I shadowed for the first one and I did the other four all on my own). I got it where I can work the cameras next week too!! I'm so happy!!
If you want to see what I mean by cameras, then go on the site on Sundays and watch the services. Not only do the cams show up there but there's two screens in the worship center (there's three screens but only two are used for some reason) that show whats going on (Like at a concert)
CHECK THE SITE OUT!!
northstar.cc
^Check them out ^
I volunteered to work the cameras! I love it there and I was there pretty much all day, I worked all five services (well I shadowed for the first one and I did the other four all on my own). I got it where I can work the cameras next week too!! I'm so happy!!
If you want to see what I mean by cameras, then go on the site on Sundays and watch the services. Not only do the cams show up there but there's two screens in the worship center (there's three screens but only two are used for some reason) that show whats going on (Like at a concert)
CHECK THE SITE OUT!!
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Adopt a Line is BACK!!
It's NaNo time again so that means it's ADOPTABLES time again!!
For those that don't know, adoptables are an important part of National Novel Writing Month. I don't actually know who started it or when but, basically, people post ideas they have but don't know how to use and other people take them and post their own. If you can think of it, there's probably an adoptable thread for it (Like rule 34...but with adoptables). Some of my favourites are the Adopt a Line ones and they always wind up in my NaNo Memories files. Here's some I've already found.
"You again?" he exclaimed in frustration. "How many times have I tried to summon the Devil and instead YOU show up?"
"You would betray me? Interesting, but I ask you this: would you ever shoot the devil in the back? And more importantly, what would you do if you missed?"
"All in all, I think the world needs less ethics and more fire."
"Maniacal laughter is inappropriate and unbecoming."
"I'd imagine things would just start falling out of there."
"I'm not a great man, but I can tell you that fear, well, it's just one of those things in this world that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're truly alive."
"I'm as dead as I want to be."
"It tastes like concentrated EVIL."
"You put the pathetic in apathetic!"
"This will end in suffering. Luckily, I still have some say in who will suffer."
"Well this is a good quality long, awkward pause."
"The universe can go fuck it self. We tried to be civil with it, and look where that got us."
"He might as well just hand his balls over now and be done with it."
C1: "Do you trust me?"
C2: "No."
C1: "Good. One of us needs to be the voice of reason here."
C1- Have you no conscience!
C2 - Of course I do! It's in a little silver box at the back of my closet screaming, "Let me out, let me out! You're making bad choices!"
"You are the worst god ever."
"Well, excuuuuse me, Princess. Its not like creation comes with a friggin manual or anything!"
"Actually it does." The priest noted.
"Gimme that. Yes...Yes...Oh hey! Divine Wrath!"
The wallpaper peeled away in places, like the loose skin of a rotting corpse.
"We'd been pushing up daisies for so long, the daisies started pushing back."
I would love to offer you moral support, but my morals are questionable.
"You couldn't kill me"
“You’re probably right, but I sure as hell could cause some damage” *Points gun at groin area* "Want to risk it?"
There are few things in this life as intimate as murder. Some people just don't understand that.
C1: "Do you hate me?"
C2: "Yes."
C1: "Do you fear me?"
C2: "More than anything."
C1: "Good, let us keep it that way."
"Show me your God, whichever it may be, and I shall give you my faith."
"Truly, what did I ever do to deserve a friend like you? I do not recall relieving myself upon any temple grounds and I'm reasonably certain I would remember smashing any holy statues."
"It was his decision to die."
"Let this be a message to you all! Those who choose the path of a hero are damned to die on it!"
"If you had to choose between your life and the lives of your men, what would you pick?"
"My men, every time."
"Good. Guard, take this man back to his troop and kill them all in front of him."
"How would you like your steak?"
"As rare as you can make it and still be able to legally serve it."
"...excellent. The cooks love a challenge."
"Humans are so very, very fragile, and so very, very easy to break."
"My, my, my, how the mighty have fallen. But you know, this is where you belong, at the feet of all those stronger than you."
"You'll soon find out that the easiest and pretty much only way for someone in your position to survive is to learn how to beg, bow, grovel, and genuflect, and learn to do it well."
"Well, I thought Detroit was a state, but apparently it's not."
Yeah, that's a lot but I'm also storing some here that I want to use, lol, I love this part of NaNo!! It's all so much fun!!
For those that don't know, adoptables are an important part of National Novel Writing Month. I don't actually know who started it or when but, basically, people post ideas they have but don't know how to use and other people take them and post their own. If you can think of it, there's probably an adoptable thread for it (Like rule 34...but with adoptables). Some of my favourites are the Adopt a Line ones and they always wind up in my NaNo Memories files. Here's some I've already found.
"You again?" he exclaimed in frustration. "How many times have I tried to summon the Devil and instead YOU show up?"
"You would betray me? Interesting, but I ask you this: would you ever shoot the devil in the back? And more importantly, what would you do if you missed?"
"All in all, I think the world needs less ethics and more fire."
"Maniacal laughter is inappropriate and unbecoming."
"I'd imagine things would just start falling out of there."
"I'm not a great man, but I can tell you that fear, well, it's just one of those things in this world that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that you're truly alive."
"I'm as dead as I want to be."
"It tastes like concentrated EVIL."
"You put the pathetic in apathetic!"
"This will end in suffering. Luckily, I still have some say in who will suffer."
"Well this is a good quality long, awkward pause."
"The universe can go fuck it self. We tried to be civil with it, and look where that got us."
"He might as well just hand his balls over now and be done with it."
C1: "Do you trust me?"
C2: "No."
C1: "Good. One of us needs to be the voice of reason here."
C1- Have you no conscience!
C2 - Of course I do! It's in a little silver box at the back of my closet screaming, "Let me out, let me out! You're making bad choices!"
"You are the worst god ever."
"Well, excuuuuse me, Princess. Its not like creation comes with a friggin manual or anything!"
"Actually it does." The priest noted.
"Gimme that. Yes...Yes...Oh hey! Divine Wrath!"
The wallpaper peeled away in places, like the loose skin of a rotting corpse.
"We'd been pushing up daisies for so long, the daisies started pushing back."
I would love to offer you moral support, but my morals are questionable.
"You couldn't kill me"
“You’re probably right, but I sure as hell could cause some damage” *Points gun at groin area* "Want to risk it?"
There are few things in this life as intimate as murder. Some people just don't understand that.
C1: "Do you hate me?"
C2: "Yes."
C1: "Do you fear me?"
C2: "More than anything."
C1: "Good, let us keep it that way."
"Show me your God, whichever it may be, and I shall give you my faith."
"Truly, what did I ever do to deserve a friend like you? I do not recall relieving myself upon any temple grounds and I'm reasonably certain I would remember smashing any holy statues."
"It was his decision to die."
"Let this be a message to you all! Those who choose the path of a hero are damned to die on it!"
"If you had to choose between your life and the lives of your men, what would you pick?"
"My men, every time."
"Good. Guard, take this man back to his troop and kill them all in front of him."
"How would you like your steak?"
"As rare as you can make it and still be able to legally serve it."
"...excellent. The cooks love a challenge."
"Humans are so very, very fragile, and so very, very easy to break."
"My, my, my, how the mighty have fallen. But you know, this is where you belong, at the feet of all those stronger than you."
"You'll soon find out that the easiest and pretty much only way for someone in your position to survive is to learn how to beg, bow, grovel, and genuflect, and learn to do it well."
"Well, I thought Detroit was a state, but apparently it's not."
Yeah, that's a lot but I'm also storing some here that I want to use, lol, I love this part of NaNo!! It's all so much fun!!
National Novel Writing Month is Coming!!
For those that don't know about NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), it's where you write a 50,000 (or more) word novel in the month of November. It can be about anything you want and you can even write more than one (like I did in 2009) as long as you get at least one novel to 50k. It's a really fun thing to do.
Well it's almost November and I have no ideas!! I think I'll just go for writing a random, nonsensical novel this year because I'm not writing the third book in my trilogy, it's just not happening this year. I do know book three will be titled Ginesis and I've already worked on some art for it:
Here's the art for book two (Vara) by the way:
I don't actually know where the banner for Shade, book 1, is...somewhere in the deep, dark reaches of my DeviantART I think, lol.
Well, anyway. I'm still trying to come up with a plot for this November. I've been having creativity issues so I think NaNo is going to be the final answer on if I keep the dream alive of being a serious writer. If I win, I keep trying, if I don't win then it's just not meant to be. I mean, it all started with NaNo, so it makes since that this should be the deciding factor.
Well it's almost November and I have no ideas!! I think I'll just go for writing a random, nonsensical novel this year because I'm not writing the third book in my trilogy, it's just not happening this year. I do know book three will be titled Ginesis and I've already worked on some art for it:
Disregard the fact that it says 2011...It's not happening. I'm not one for writing books twice and it's just not ready to get written.
Here's the art for book two (Vara) by the way:
I don't actually know where the banner for Shade, book 1, is...somewhere in the deep, dark reaches of my DeviantART I think, lol.
Well, anyway. I'm still trying to come up with a plot for this November. I've been having creativity issues so I think NaNo is going to be the final answer on if I keep the dream alive of being a serious writer. If I win, I keep trying, if I don't win then it's just not meant to be. I mean, it all started with NaNo, so it makes since that this should be the deciding factor.
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