Short fingernails do not exist in your vocabulary!!!
I can't cut them often enough...
Monday, November 28, 2011
So I'm single...
I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday. Several reasons really...I just wasn't going to deal with the mistakes he was making (drugs being one of them). There's a chance he might wind up in jail and I've already had one ex do that, I'm not going there again.
Yeah, I loved him. Yeah, he was a nice guy. It just wasn't working out. There was no future there. Because he was in the army, I barely ever saw him. We had been together for a few years and, by that point, things should have been a lot more serious than they were. I couldn't see myself marrying him so there was no point in continuing the relationship.
...He's less than thrilled about this.
Yeah, I loved him. Yeah, he was a nice guy. It just wasn't working out. There was no future there. Because he was in the army, I barely ever saw him. We had been together for a few years and, by that point, things should have been a lot more serious than they were. I couldn't see myself marrying him so there was no point in continuing the relationship.
...He's less than thrilled about this.
Friday, November 25, 2011
The end of a series...
This feels...nothing like what I imagined. I thought I would be ready to cheer when I finished Shade's series. And I haven't finished the series yet but I'm so close and I want to bust out crying. I'll miss them so much.
I know I could write more books, hundreds of books, on these characters but they'll never be together again they were. The damage that has been done to them can never be undone. Then again, the successes can never be forgotten but they've changed so much since book one and I see them as they are now. that makes prequels impossible and to write more sequels would just be an insult to them. They want a new life, a quiet life. To write more books about them would just be a way of interrupting that. And besides, no one wants to hear about how Shade...or, rather, Vara...planted a garden and watched it grow.
I'm so amazingly sad.
I know I could write more books, hundreds of books, on these characters but they'll never be together again they were. The damage that has been done to them can never be undone. Then again, the successes can never be forgotten but they've changed so much since book one and I see them as they are now. that makes prequels impossible and to write more sequels would just be an insult to them. They want a new life, a quiet life. To write more books about them would just be a way of interrupting that. And besides, no one wants to hear about how Shade...or, rather, Vara...planted a garden and watched it grow.
I'm so amazingly sad.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Current stats...
Word Count: 24,081
Words left: 25, 919
I'm gonna fight 'em all
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
ON MY WAY TO 50,000!!!!
Words left: 25, 919
I'm gonna fight 'em all
A seven nation army couldn't hold me back
ON MY WAY TO 50,000!!!!
Sunday, November 13, 2011
On All American Muslim...
As a former Muslim (and I left under good terms, I still love Muslims and support them), I feel that Americans need to watch this show!!
However, it makes me miss everything I didn't get in Islam. When I converted to Islam, my parents basically told everyone that I had been forced into it, that the friend who walked me through my shahada had tricked me (in reality she was as surprised as any one else when I told her I wanted to convert). They banned me from covering my head, the wouldn't let me speak the words "Islam" or "Muslim" without getting screamed at. On the show, a non Muslim woman covers her head out of respect...my parents would NEVER do that. They never would have made any Muslim feel accepted in my home. When one of my friends came over, I don't know how she felt, but I like my dad hated her (and I later found out that he did..and for no good reason).
But anyway, my point...this show has some issues. Many issues. My big ones are that they only show two types of women: casual hijabis, those who don't wear abayas, who wear jeans and tshirts, skinny jeans and high boots, tight clothes...and those women who, not only don't wear hijab, but wear short short dresses and low cut tops. It is possible to be modest without covering your head...but they don't show that.
Another issue is that, while the show is not meant to be dawah, it is also not meant for other Muslims. It is meant for non Muslim Americans...and apparently they aren't liking it either. A Christian friend of mine messaged me on facebook and she said the show just disturbed her. This show shouldn't be disturbing people.
However, it makes me miss everything I didn't get in Islam. When I converted to Islam, my parents basically told everyone that I had been forced into it, that the friend who walked me through my shahada had tricked me (in reality she was as surprised as any one else when I told her I wanted to convert). They banned me from covering my head, the wouldn't let me speak the words "Islam" or "Muslim" without getting screamed at. On the show, a non Muslim woman covers her head out of respect...my parents would NEVER do that. They never would have made any Muslim feel accepted in my home. When one of my friends came over, I don't know how she felt, but I like my dad hated her (and I later found out that he did..and for no good reason).
But anyway, my point...this show has some issues. Many issues. My big ones are that they only show two types of women: casual hijabis, those who don't wear abayas, who wear jeans and tshirts, skinny jeans and high boots, tight clothes...and those women who, not only don't wear hijab, but wear short short dresses and low cut tops. It is possible to be modest without covering your head...but they don't show that.
Another issue is that, while the show is not meant to be dawah, it is also not meant for other Muslims. It is meant for non Muslim Americans...and apparently they aren't liking it either. A Christian friend of mine messaged me on facebook and she said the show just disturbed her. This show shouldn't be disturbing people.
Saturday, November 12, 2011
I'm still behind...
I'm writing just a few hundred words a day on average. I still hate this story and I'm supposed to be at 20,000 which means the point for starting a new plot has come and gone. I wish I'd taken a new plot when I had the chance, now I'll be hard pressed to finish this and, if I do, I'll hate it. I don't know which is worse...not finishing or putting a month into a book I hate.
I'm currently 14,307. You'll notice how this isn't 20,000 but still.
I'm currently 14,307. You'll notice how this isn't 20,000 but still.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
I'm behind...and depressed
Well, I seem to have a problem.
I just don't care about the novel this year. I don't know what it is. The fire, the passion that's normally there during NaNo is..gone. There's no magic :( Writing feels like a chore and I always groan inwardly when I think "Oh, I have to write those 1667 words now.
I hate this. I'm at the ending of a trilogy, I should be happy (or sad but eager at least) not apathetic. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I made it to twelve thousand-something words while sitting in a doctor's office today. I was told there was NEVER any wait time with this doctor and I was there for two hours and I wrote 1800 words. No wait time, huh? Really?
But, while I'm writing, there's still no passion. I feel horrible.
It doesn't help that I'm depressed beyond words with my life. I honestly wanted to kill myself on Monday and, if I'd been able to find anymore pills I would have tried. Apparently 14 tylenols won't do the job...but I already knew this. I'm not a med student but I imagine the number of tylenols required to actually kill ones self would be in the thousands. They aren't big pills.
I can't think of anything good in my life. No military (but they wouldn't take me if they knew how depressed I was), no car to go see my friends (which would make me feel better), family who is constantly yelling at me and putting me down and just generally making me feel like trash, and now even my creativity feels shot. Where writing came so easily back when I was on my ADHD medications, it's such a struggle now. I spent my [largely medicated] life saying that I could not live without art because a life without art was not worth living and now my art seems to have escaped me so...how can I live? What am I supposed to live for now?
I think the only thing that has saved me from committing suicide over the years is a steady belief in and fear of God. I know suicide if the one unforgivable sin because you can't ask forgiveness for it (and it's murder of yourself) but I guess if you took a bunch of sleeping pills and asked for forgiveness as you were dying that might work. I don't have sleeping pills though.
I'm getting too deep here...No one even reads this stupid blog any way.
I just don't care about the novel this year. I don't know what it is. The fire, the passion that's normally there during NaNo is..gone. There's no magic :( Writing feels like a chore and I always groan inwardly when I think "Oh, I have to write those 1667 words now.
I hate this. I'm at the ending of a trilogy, I should be happy (or sad but eager at least) not apathetic. I don't know what is wrong with me.
I made it to twelve thousand-something words while sitting in a doctor's office today. I was told there was NEVER any wait time with this doctor and I was there for two hours and I wrote 1800 words. No wait time, huh? Really?
But, while I'm writing, there's still no passion. I feel horrible.
It doesn't help that I'm depressed beyond words with my life. I honestly wanted to kill myself on Monday and, if I'd been able to find anymore pills I would have tried. Apparently 14 tylenols won't do the job...but I already knew this. I'm not a med student but I imagine the number of tylenols required to actually kill ones self would be in the thousands. They aren't big pills.
I can't think of anything good in my life. No military (but they wouldn't take me if they knew how depressed I was), no car to go see my friends (which would make me feel better), family who is constantly yelling at me and putting me down and just generally making me feel like trash, and now even my creativity feels shot. Where writing came so easily back when I was on my ADHD medications, it's such a struggle now. I spent my [largely medicated] life saying that I could not live without art because a life without art was not worth living and now my art seems to have escaped me so...how can I live? What am I supposed to live for now?
I think the only thing that has saved me from committing suicide over the years is a steady belief in and fear of God. I know suicide if the one unforgivable sin because you can't ask forgiveness for it (and it's murder of yourself) but I guess if you took a bunch of sleeping pills and asked for forgiveness as you were dying that might work. I don't have sleeping pills though.
I'm getting too deep here...No one even reads this stupid blog any way.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)